JAMAICAN WATERSLIDE TEAM
2013 Trip Report
You can’t run away forever
But there’s nothing wrong with getting a good head start.
Meat Loaf 2010
At Hedo there is no why, there is only do or not do
Anonymous: JWST 2013
It has been 27 years to the day since I last landed at the airport in Montego Bay. Back then I had a girlfriend in tow and we were going to a safe, sane Sandals Resort. This time around I was traveling solo and heading to the devils playground to meet up with 90 of my new friends. The fact that I was going to meet these people while we were all naked really was never an issue. Due to a well-run chat room I was able to meet up with a fellow JWST team member for our connecting flight into Jamaica. He was very helpful with my transition into the Hedo way of things.
The airport was a breeze to go through and after a very short wait and a couple of cold Red Stripe beers we were on our way. Most of the people on the bus were going to Hedo 2 and the mood was festive in spite of the thunderstorms we were driving through. When we arrived at the resort the rain had stopped and we were greeted by several of the JWST members happily waving everything Mother Nature had given them. It was a sight to see and a welcoming I will not soon forget. We were all given beach bags with schedules of events for the week and other fun stuff to make our week ahead more enjoyable. After a painless check in I was off to my spotless room to get settled in and prepare for the week.
The resort has two areas prude and nude. This is so all can enjoy the resort to whatever dress code they are comfortable with. The people I was meeting were all on the nude side so they were all easy to find. Upon arriving at the pool I was greeted warmly and continued making new friends throughout the rest of the day. As part of our package we all had a name card on our JWST lanyards with of course our names the state we were from (including the state of confusion) and also a number on the back of the card. There were three other people in our group with the same number as mine. Once all for numbers had been located we were given a raffle ticket for a drawing that would be held Monday afternoon. The winning ticket would win three nights at Hedo 2 for two. I thought this was a very nice prize and a generous offer from the management of the resort. They definitely appreciate the business this group is giving them during a traditionally slow time of the year. There are several singles companies on line that can get some great ideas on how to get strangers to mix and mingle from this group.
I was invited to have dinner Saturday night by a member of our group who knew I was traveling solo and wanted to make sure I did not dine alone, which I am happy to say I never did the entire week. There are two specialty restaurants on the resort, Italian and Japanese. Because of the time of year I was able to eat at both and enjoyed both immensely. The food in each restaurant was easily 3 ½ stars as was the service. The Sake in the Japanese restaurant was warmed to perfection and the house wine severed in the Italian restaurant was very good. After dinner Saturday night and for reasons that are still a bit fuzzy I had attempted to get my foot into a woman’s size 10 four inch heel shoes. Being male and having a size 13 shoe I did not succeed but it was great fun trying.
After dinner I headed over to the piano bar which would be a centerpiece of great entertainment throughout the week. The place was already jumping with a major party atmosphere when I arrived. The piano player seemed well versed in many types of music ranging from classic rock and roll to modern day. During the night two twenty something cuties jumped on the piano and did a lovely bump and grind to Wilson Picket’s Mustang Sally, a scene that will happily haunt my dreams for many weeks to come. It seems this behavior is not only tolerated at the piano bar but greatly encouraged. I also discovered that the bar was well stocked with my favorite top shelf tequila, a double edge sword if there ever was one.
Sunday morning I hit the gym first thing which is one of the few good habits I have. The gym was very well equipped with everything one would need to keep the vacation love handles at bay and I was very happy not to see a TV. Sometimes it is just a good idea to take a mental step back and assess your surroundings without distractions. This is after all a place where the words “why not” seem to float up the brain stem way too easily. After a good workout I tried out the scale and realized immediately that being that much close to the equator than my home town and the earth being that much thicker I was going to weigh that much more and decided to simply avoid the scale the rest of the week. After a quick dip in the ocean and a shower I was off to breakfast
There were two long tables set up for our group for breakfast which I thought was a nice idea. I was able to reconnect or in some cases connect for the first time with fellow JWST members. There was also a white board set up for us that would have photos, happenings for the day and a list of birthdays or anniversaries. This was the perfect way to start the day. The breakfast buffet was vast and delicious highlighted by a great omelet chef and the servers were always there to refresh your water, juice, or coffee.
After breakfast it was back to the pool for more fun in the sun. The entertainment coordinators, or EC’s did a great job throughout the day keeping the group entertained with music and many contests that when won will get you Hedo Bucks’ This currency was cashed in at the end of the week for many items including t-shirts and rum. I was talking to as many people as I could and all were very warm and open. I was conversing with a gentleman in the pool when a very lovely lady swam up behind me , wrapped herself around me and giving me a peck on the cheek and asked “So are you having a good time so far darling?” A huge smile on my face was the only answer I could give.
Later in the day myself and a couple of friends took an off sight excursion to Rick’s Café. Rick’s Café is a popular tourist spot about 20 minutes by cab from the resort. This I came to learn is a great spot for catching a Jamaican sunset if the conditions are in your favor. It is also a place where after eating and drinking to your heart’s content you can take a casual dive off a forty foot cliff into the tranquil waters below. This is just good old fashion vacation fun as I see it.
Monday after breakfast it was time to do some snorkeling. The boat heads out to the reef twice a day I understand and I thought the trip was well worth it. I thought about it too late, but it would have been a good idea to bring something other than my sparkling personality to lure the fish a bit closer to my camera. I hear they like bagels.
Late Monday afternoon we had our JWST welcome party and naughty T-shirt contest in the piano bar. The resort management did an outstanding job setting up some delicious and unique finger foods and appetizers for us and of course we had the bar open and to ourselves. There was a beautiful tribute to those past and present in the military and a couple of ten year awards were handed out, one to a long-time JWST member and the other to the Entertainment Manager, who had been the Master of Ceremonies for the Group’s Welcome party for 10 years too. The Managing Director of the resort was there as well and the new chairman of the Board dropped by to say hello and tell us what the plans were for making the resort better. All I can say is the future looks very bright for this place. The EC’s were to determine the winners of the t-shirt contest and I was amazed at the creativity of these people. I think the resort should have a t-shirt museum because I cannot imagine these shirts being worn anywhere else in the world without getting arrested. Monday night was Sexy Pirates and Booty night at the resort and after seeing the costumes from the previous nights Naughty School Girl Reunion I was not surprised at the originality of the outfits.
Tuesday after breakfast I decided to try one of the many water sports this resort has to offer. I decided on paddle boarding which is simply a large surfboard you stand up on and paddle around the vast ocean. It also happened to be another water sport that I absolutely suck at due to having seemingly no balancing skills. After several attempts I decided to go back to kayaking to rescue my ego but not before I managed to lose a fairly expensive pair of sunglasses in about 15 feet of water. Without hesitation two of my new friends grabbed snorkel masks from the dive shack and within moments my sunglasses were retrieved before starting a new reef. As I had come to learn very early on with this group, they always have your back. I believe it is the JWST version of no man being left behind. There is always someone there to make sure you get back to the boat safe or back to shore safe and in some cases back to your room safe. Tuesday night was our team picture where all the woman wore very beautiful and very tiny red dresses. If I did not have three martinis before and during dinner I would give you an idea of what happened after dinner but…oops. It was Pajamas and Pasties night at the resort so you will have to use your imagination.
Wednesday was our Nude catamaran cruise. This was as a great time from all angles. About a half an hour out we dropped anchor and did some great snorkeling. Again I forgot the bagels but took some great pictures regardless. We were then taken to a quiet cove where a great lunch was served and we just relaxed, mostly. There was some entertainment when the EC’s tried to get a contest going. The details are unimportant but it was great fun to watch. On the way back the question needs to be asked “ what do you get when you have 70 naked people on a boat with several gallons of high octane rum punch and several cans of liquor flavored whipped cream?”. Why you get the perfect way to consume your daily allotment of empty calories of course. Wednesday night is fetish and fantasy night at the resort and even though I have been there for 5 days and have spent half the time naked it is not until this night did I truly understand how far from Dorothy’s Kansas I really was. The entertainment and the costumes were a perfect combination of WOW and what better way to top off the night than a flogging on top of the piano bar.
Thursday afternoon we had our erotic gift exchange which was just fun and I laughed so hard it hurt. It was also the awarding of our Best Door Decorating contest which many people participated in. One of the prizes was a gift certificate to a web site a couple with us operated, and I thought this was very generous on their part. Thursday night after dinner was the Mesh and Glow party. We all met at a predetermined location and adorned ourselves with as much glow material as humanly possible. I do not have the words to describe watching 60 grown men and woman get ready for this event with all the zeal and excitement as a group of third graders at Halloween but it was just awesome. We marched through the resort and across the main stage and headed to the disco where the partying was just warming up.
Friday was a normal day at the resort and everybody was getting as much sun as possible being the last day for most of us. While the massage teams were keeping busy and the JWST members were making us proud at the wet t-shirt contest several of us headed out for some off the resort fun. We contracted with the OneLovedrive.com party bus. This turned out to be one of the many high points for the week. We hit 7 bars in four hours and had a great time in all of them. The only cost to us was what we drank at each stop and a nice tip for the driver at the end. Along the way I learned how to play Domino’s thanks to a gentleman from Nebraska and I also learned how to do a flaming Bob Marley shot. The rest of the JWST members would have been very proud of us because in between bars we rocked the bus and rocked it hard.
Friday night was our last opportunity for great food, great entertainment and to hang out with some great people. Tomorrow most of us will be forced to again to pick up the melancholy burden of sanity we were so happy to drop off at the airport 7 days ago. I take solace in knowing it is just under a year until I can come back to a place where the respect is mutual, the smiles are genuine and the laughter is simply unavoidable.
Tonight is Rock Star night at Hedo. Tonight is your last chance to be someone else or maybe, just maybe the last chance to be yourself.
As we depart our favorite vacation spot we also want to extend our sincere thanks and congratulations to the entire staff and management of Hedonism II resort. Everyone from the gardeners and the housekeepers all the way up to senior management (and everyone in between) showed us their sincerest form of hospitality and a true sense of professionalism and courtesy during our stay. We certainly appreciate their efforts.
The Official JWST Historian